sliding doors

One decision can change the course of your life forever.

I think many of us have reflected on the “sliding door” moments in our life. The what ifs?  What might have been?  How would my life be different now?  I know I have.

Being married and divorced twice, I still ask myself, what if?

Proposals and emotional connections create “sliding door” moments, a seemingly, inconsequential moment that alters the trajectory of future events. When you yes, “I love you,” you want a response from your partner that validates their proposal.  The response can set your relationship on a few trajectories (hence the “Sliding Doors” reference).

One of the toughest things to do is to see things the way they are. Why? We can fool ourselves. We see what we want to see, and we hear what we want to hear. The way you want things to be.

Recognizing things, the way they are, is not limiting. It is empowering. When you know how things are, you create crossed expectations for yourself and others. The simplest way to miss how things are is to project the way things should be or the way you want things to be.

It’s easy to superimpose your wants for a different world onto your current situation.  This is one of the easiest ways to miss what’s right in front of you and not know the response that you’re getting. The key here is to ask yourself, “what do you want things to be?”  Keep this separate from the way things are and the way things should be.

I call this a self-check, clarity, of the vision, of how you want things to be, and how that looks. Identifying, what your partner would be saying or doing, and how the situation would be structured to make it happen is the hard part.  It’s often easier to focus on how you don’t want things to be. Then get clarity on how you want things to be.

It’s hard to accept when what you want does not align with what you want it to be. I would encourage you to use your facts to check your intuition and your intuition to check your facts.

One of the best ways to frustrate yourself or twist a situation is to get hung up on the way things should be. They should love you or should just acknowledge that they do not love you how you want them to love you.

Obviously, not compatible, but I saw things differently. Now that I was married and living under the same roof, things became clear.

I did not just find out that we were not compatible. Nothing just suddenly happens in a relationship. It had always been that way. I chose to look the other way. And I spent the last few years second-guessing my decision to leave. Afraid to move forward because I was unsure of what I was leaving behind.

Why do we spend so much time second-guessing ourselves? One reason we spend so much time second-guessing is because of regret. The nagging feelings of wishing we had done things differently.

Thinking there would have been a different outcome, had I done things differently.

Reminds me of the movie “Sliding Doors,” a romantic comedy-drama featuring Gwyneth Paltrow, and is played out in two scenarios where her life takes two different paths. In one, she gets on the train and comes home to find her boyfriend in bed with another woman. In the second, she misses the train and arrives after the woman has left. In the first scenario, she dumps the guy, finds a new man, and gradually improves her life. In the second, she becomes suspicious of his fidelity and grows miserable.

Instead of pondering on how things are, the way things should be, and the way you want things to be. What is your current situation? How do you want things to be? If a genie were to grant you three wishes, do you know what to wish for to make it happen? Would you want what you got? You could use lenses to test your thinking, and you can test your lenses by asking questions, taking actions, and testing your results.

Remember that if you don’t know, what you’re looking for, you’re not going to see it, and it’s not just what you see, but how you see it.

We project our opinions, guesses, or wants, onto what we see and hear. Someone smiles, and we cannot decide if they like us or if they or being polite. In my experience, action speaks louder than words, but your interpretation can get in the way.

I have reflected on the “sliding door” moments in my life, especially in marriage. I will never know how my life would have turned out differently if I had rejected the proposals and just said NO!

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