Making excuses is a natural human response. We travel in groups and are comfortable with those that remind us of ourselves. We tend to want to belong, and every so often we are willing to sacrifice our authentic selves for being a part of certain groups, caring what others think about us, and wanting to fit in. Although, we confess we do not. We often make excuses and give ourselves a green light to shirk responsibilities rather than face uncomfortable conversations and feelings.
People who make excuses may feel happy now because they have avoided a bit of pain, but not for long. Making excuses only provides temporary relief in any situation, particularly in abusive relationships. I hosted a domestic violence retreat on the weekend of March 25-26, 2022, in Kansas City, Missouri. Domestic Violence is a topic seldom discussed because people are afraid of judgment and association with the topic. Being a victim of abuse can leave victims feeling ashamed and less than a person. People shy away from or make excuses about abuse because they believe it only happens to certain people.
The world tends to believe that domestic violence (assault) only happens to a certain type. It does not matter how rich or poor a person is, what gender or social class, fame, or education they possess. Verbal, mental, and physical abuse and assault can happen to anyone. It does not matter what the ethnicity is because the only distinguishing color of abuse is black-and-blue.
When dealing with assault, there appears to be a grey area depending on who it happens to, and there is always an excuse. Everyone sees things differently. While one person might judge someone and say what they did was horrible, sometimes, they might not consider what they did as being that bad. People make excuses for those they are close to and don’t find certain situations to be as bad as it’s made out to be.
Fear and denial are two (2) reasons we make excuses.
Fear goes hand in hand with being scared and the desire to avoid conflict. The idea of being on the opposite side of those you are close to and calling them out on their issues may be too great of a loss to manage. Making excuses for someone isn’t always because it is the best option; it’s just because someone is afraid of losing this individual. Sometimes being honest and not accepting the situation for what it is can cause huge arguments. Avoiding an altercation is one primary reason people make excuses. People are afraid of rejection and abandonment. People have a habit of being more concerned with pleasing others.
Denial hides from the truth; it builds a new and better truth. People want to escape reality because it’s easier to believe a lie rather than face the truth. It’s easy to read an article about a celebrity and pass judgment, but you find it’s much harder to pass judgment when you’re somehow tangled in the web they weave. While it’s important to support people in your life, you must realize when it’s helping and hindering them.
It takes courage to face your excuses. The sooner you admit to them you will find yourself one step closer to conquering them so that you can do better moving forward!