Introductions are important because they provide a first impression. You get only one chance to make a first impression, to shoot your shot. So, when you make an introduction, you want to be sure it is of value.
Last week I was introduced to a new podcast, @dearwifeypodcast. This podcast is truly a gift! I’ve had the opportunity to reflect on marriages, divorces, and singleness. I have been married and divorced twice.
The @dearwifeypodcast introduction has lasted well beyond the first impression moment. The guest and the host are full of wisdom, and I believe that the best is yet to come.
Laterras Whitfield, host and creator, invites YouTube subscribers and shackers (those who glean from the podcast but don’t subscribe) to a journey of recovery and discovery.
Since my introduction to the podcast, I have been reflecting on my journey. I did not envision walking down an aisle in a white dress with a church filled with people to hold me accountable to a covenant with God, uniting with a man that was to leave his family and to cleave to me, birthing 2.5 kids and purchasing a home with a white picket fence. This was not my dream.
I don’t recall having a successful marriage modeled before me. I was raised by a single mother. So, my representation came from television and the movies-all make-believe.
Representation is important, not only in education, government, workplace, and the media. Representation in marriage is vital. It tells the stories of what true commitment is. I can count on one hand; the representation of Christian marriages my daughters have, and I’m sad to say. I am not one of them.
The one thing that God has revealed to me on my journey is they chose me. I choice to participate. Read that again. They knew my value. They knew my worth. I compromised it. Each time I settled.
When making a major decision, such as marriage, be sure to keep your eye on the goal, weigh your options, consider the consequences, and do your research. When I got married, I didn’t do my research.
Three things to include in your research process.
- Submission. Marry a man that submits to God, which will make it easier for you to submit to your husband. Research his understanding of intimacy. Can you discuss anything with him, and does he understand what true submission is – true submission is the fruit of becoming one flesh.
- Worth the wait. Is he willing to wait? Is he willing to grow with you? Are you in touch with what is going on inside of you? Have you created space to come to grips with what makes your heartbeat faster–what is important to you? Don’t waste your wait by filling it with rushing or being busy. Fill your time with how emotional needs work, and how you can get your needs met, and the ability to meet the needs of your future spouse. It takes a lot of time, but it will save you a lot of pain and a divorce down the road.
- Waste time. Don’t spend time doing something that is unnecessary or does not produce any benefit or produces any fruit for the kingdom, that is a waste of time. Even if the world tells you “The clock is ticking” and you’re not getting any younger, or if all your friends are married, and you don’t want to be the third or fifth or eleventh wheel. Don’t waste time.
I want my daughters and their future partner to have a vision for their marriage. I want them to see it before they see it. I want them to sit down and write it out. Marriage is not some magical event. If you can’t envision yourself dying for them daily, don’t get married. That’s my dream for my daughters.
So, to my future sons-in-law, I look forward to our introductions. Value the love you give my daughters!
Founder, How Come, How Long (HCHL)
Writer, Author, Blogger